THE VOICES IN MY HEAD

The world was a quieter place back then. Each mess was mine. I would run away to fill the empty spaces with unhealthy things avoiding my own clutter and silence. But then the voices came.

First the big one. That one really caught my attention. I couldn’t focus on anything else. That voice was all I wanted to hear. So I decided to give myself over to it. I was obsessed with it at first but eventually it started to say things I didn’t want to hear and was slightly less desirable. Now, that it was in my head, though, it would stay. The voice and I found peace with each other and continue to do so.

Soon there came a smaller voice. It was a beautiful, demanding voice that interrupted my sleep for no obvious reason. Because it did not allow me to sleep I would sit for hours in the night playing solitaire on the computer. That seemed to quiet the voice.

The two voices seemed hard to please all the time so I decided not to allow any more voices into my head. I realize now that it was just hard to please myself all the time while tending to the voices. Without my permission the third little voice snuck up on me. It was little like the other one but had different things to say. It actually demanded more time than the other two but it did it in a way that made me want to devote all of my time to it. It was a sweet voice that I would hear sometimes coming from the far reaches when I was doing something else.

Over time I decided to allow three more voices to come in. They needed me so I made room in my head for them. The funny thing is that the more voices there were the happier all of the voices seemed.

Eventually two of them didn’t need me any more and left. Luckily, Christmas and Summer time is always a chance to welcome them back for a short time. When they visit they are loud and exhausting! But it is worth it to allow them to occupy a cramped space once in a while. I miss them when they leave again.

Now there are just five of us. Me and the four voices in my head. And one of them, only on weekends and during the summers. I love my voices. They need a lot of care and love. But they are happy to return it.

The world was a quieter place back then… but lonelier. I would never give up the voices in my head. I see a lot of people who will not allow little voices to interrupt their busy lives but they do not know what they are missing out on. Am I crazy? Probably.